Empty Nesters

Last weekend my husband and I took our daughter to move into her apartment, to begin her junior year in college. Where has the time gone? She can't possibly be a junior. She's my little girl. 

Now this weekend, we moved our son (the baby) into his dorm room at college. He is about to start his Freshman year. We shopped for everything he could possibly need, and hauled it all up to the sixth floor.

When we got up there, we were surprised to find out that Nick had his own bedroom in a suite of four other guys. We weren't expecting that. He was pretty excited!

Nick deserves such luck. He is a great kid. He works hard, and he always seems to do the right thing. Still, I was nervous leaving him there. He will always be  my baby.

It makes me feel better that he is only thirty minutes from home, and that the campus is so nice.

I don't remember dormitories being this nice when I was in college??

Now that we're back home, we are trying to settle into a new routine. It is eerily quiet around the house. I miss the chatter of kids, cooking for them, and just having them around. I am on the hunt for a new job. A new life. It's a little scary, because I really liked my old job. I really liked my old life. It's strange for my husband too, but he was always at work five days a week. It's not as much of a dramatic change for him, as it is for me.

Still, it will be nice to focus on being a couple again. Not that we ever stopped, but the dynamics are different when you add kids to the mix. He is definitely still the person I want to be with the most. I feel lucky and Blessed for that.

So here we are... empty nesters. I can hardly believe it. It is certainly bittersweet. I'll try to focus on the sweet!

From One Coast To Another

Well, the countdown is on. I have officially 33 days left of being a resident of California. My family is moving back to Florida. Actually, half of my family has already moved to Florida. My husband started a new job there in October, and my daughter has been going to school there for two years now. I am here in a tiny apartment with my son who only has a month left of high school. Then he will be attending college in Florida as well. Could I possibly be old enough to have two kids in college? The best part, is that I will get to live with my husband again. AMEN!

Ten years ago, if you would have told me that I was going to spend nine years living in California, I would have told you that you are crazy. I grew up in the midwest, and then moved around back east for several years as a young adult. Florida being one of those places. I fell in love with the state while I was living there, and I am beyond excited that we are going back.

The only thing that makes the move difficult is leaving behind some pretty terrific people. I have made some wonderful friends here. The interesting thing about getting older, is that you are more choosy about your friends. I have absolutely surrounded myself with people who are positive and caring and want the best for me, as I do for them. While I will be sad to lose the daily connection with them, I know that we will be friends for life. 

Although it's never easy, I feel optimistic that I will start a new and exciting chapter in my life back in Florida. I'm not sure where my career will be going, but I know that I am going to make something happen for myself. I will continue to be choosy when looking for new friendships. Most importantly, I will look for happiness within my Faith, my family, and myself. I so believe that this is the key to growing old gracefully.

Don't Even Think About Divorce Until...

I have been thinking a lot about divorce lately. Not because I am considering one for myself, but because I have several friends either going through one, or considering one. I think it has to do with the age we are now. Like many of my friends, I stayed home with my kids while they were growing up. Now that they are leaving for college or heading out on their own, the house feels empty, and it's easy to feel a little lost. And although I have no doubt that my husband loves our children as much as I do, his life is still busy and full... the same as it ever was. I don't think he can fully understand how I feel, and he certainly can't stop working to spend more time with me. I can see how this can cause some friction between a newly empty nested couple. 

I read a very interesting article in Redbook a little while back. It was titled "Don't even think about divorcing until...". In the article, 13 people talk about their belief in the marital system, and these steps they think are important to take before considering divorce. I thought it was worth sharing.

Don't even think about divorcing until...

1. ... you compare the cost of good marital therapy, and meaningful investments in your marriage, to the price tag of divorce. 

-Elisabeth J. Lamotte, couples therapist in Washington, D.C.

2. ...you've done enough honest self examination to find out why you want  to divorce in the first place.    

-Elizabeth Lesser, author of Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow

3. ...you try touching. No talking required. Just touch in silence and be quiet.

-Hilda Hutcherson, M.D.  OBGYN and professor at Columbia University

4. ...you let go of the fantasy that you're going to find someone who's perfect in all ways and your spouse is not.

-Lori Gottlieb, author of Marry Him: The Case For Settling For Mr. Good Enough

5. ...you've considered that children often bear the scars and burdens of divorce long after parents have moved on and start over.

-Andy Bachman, Rabbi 

6. ...you're clear that you are making an examined, not rash, decision.

-Esther Perel, author of Mating In Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence

7. ...you stop and realize that your spouse might marry somebody who you have an issue with.

-Isabel Gillies, actress and author of Divorce Memoirs A Year And Six Seconds And Happens Every Day

8. ...you consider that with the possible exception of permanent disability and long term imprisonment, there are few financial calamities more devastating than divorce.

-Ron Lieber, "Your Money" columnist for The New York Times

9. ...you spend the next year treating your spouse as curiously, respectfully, and grateful as you would a mysterious stranger.

-Christina Nehring, author of A Vindication Of Love: Reclaiming Romance For The 21st Century

10. ... you have dealt with the fact that your marriage has concealed a whole host of your personal defects from public view, and everyone prowling around the single kingdom today has X-ray glasses.

-Liz Phair, musician and writer of "Divorce Song"

11. ... you've left no stone unturned and you've done everything you could do.

-Fran Drescher

12. ...you can vividly imagine your partner kissing somebody else, and you don't care.

-Helen Fisher, PH.D Biological Anthropologist at Rutgers University

13. ...you try writing down your thoughts and sharing them with your spouse.

-Jane McCafferty, author of the novel First You Try Everything, About A Couple Divorcing

My very favorite of all of these is number 9.  I have often joked with friends that we treat our spouses the worst because we know that they will love us anyway. I think it's good that we feel safe with our spouses, but these are the people we should be treating the very best. The people we should be investing in the most. This is something that I am going to try to remember.

Did any of these resonate with you? Which was your favorite?  Do you have one of your own to add? I'd love to hear from you!