Retail Therapy

I remember being in high school, and having such intense feelings about my accomplishments, my setbacks and my relationships.  The world could be the most amazing place, and the place I wanted to escape more than anything, all in one day.  As crazy as those ups and downs were to experience, they were nothing compared to watching your child go through them.  It's twice as euphoric, and twice as painful.

My daughter is almost 18, and has been making some very difficult and important decisions for her life.  She is so much smarter than I was at 18.  She can see the big picture, and knows what she needs to do in order to make the most of her life.  In this case it means going to college all the way across the country.  Such a difficult and brave decision.  She has to say goodbye to family, friends and even a boyfriend.  She has already begun to say some of these goodbyes.  She and her boyfriend decided to break up now, rather than wait a few months down the road when they will physically be parting.  I realize that this must be excruciating for her.  I want to be mommy and kiss it and make it better like I used to,  but I know this will no longer do the trick.  So I gave her the one thing that makes me feel even just a little better in bad times.  A little retail therapy.

I know what you might be thinking... buying things is not the answer.  What am I teaching her?  I thought about that too. But it's not really about the things in the brightly colored shopping bags that we were collecting that day.  It was about the conversations in the car to and from the mall, which is a good 45 minutes from my house.  It was about laughing at the clothes we both found ugly, and the excitement we felt when we found that cute pair of jeans in her size.  It was the anticipation we both felt about her going to college when we talked about what kinds of clothes she will wear when she starts school in the Fall.  The shopping isn't an answer or a fix, but for this day, it helped us both feel a little better.

I can't believe my daughter is turning 18, and will soon be off to college.  This is the way she will always look in my eyes.  She is one of the very best parts of my life, and I would do anything for her.   

Even let her go.  I will be there whenever she needs me, and we can take on all of life's troubles, one shopping trip at a time.

L-U-V-Madonna?

L-U-V- Madonna, Y-O-U, youwanna!  Yes, I wanna!  I've been a die hard Madonna fan since I was 16 years old. She has always been controversial, and it has never bothered me before. Cut to last week when I first saw her new video for "Give Me All Your Luvin'".  I posted on my facebook page that I must be getting old because I just watched the video, and found it disturbing. 

In the video you can find Madonna dancing with pretend high school kids. She seems to walk all over the football players, while the cheerleaders are making out and laying around what look like vodka bottles. Then to completely throw me off, she pretends to nurse a baby doll, which she throws for a touchdown at the very end. Maybe I just don't get it. Maybe because I have high school kids, I'm a little sensitive and worry about what message the video is sending. 

Of course I didn't mind her controversial ways back when I was the young and impressionable one. I loved dancing to the racy music and singing her sexy lyrics at the top of my lungs. I don't know who I'm kidding, I still love singing and dancing to her tunes. But now I feel a little different. Today I think about the messages in our pop music a little more. I hope that the kids listening and mimicking will be mature enough to know that the lyrics are sensationalized, and are just for fun. Madonna and I were pregnant at the same time, and we have daughters at right around the same age. I'm surprised that she wouldn't be feeling a little different, as the mother of a teenaged daughter too.  

                          

I'm sure everyone watched Madonna-bowl yesterday. She put on quite a show at half time during the Superbowl. That woman is 54, and can still get her groove on. The music took me right back to my youth. It made me feel happy and bop my 41 year old bod around the room. Perhaps I shouldn't begrudge today's teenagers that same happy feeling.  After all, her song "Like a Virgin", didn't cause me to lose my virginity. "Papa Don't Preach", didn't get me pregnant. Maybe I should have a little more faith in teenagers today, and allow them to get "Into The Groove" without worrying so much about what messages are being put out there.

I'm torn. What do you think?

Wait... when did I become middle aged?

Well, hi.  My name is Tricia and I am 41 years old.  This is my first ever blog entry.  I have been following and reading different types of blogs for some time now.  I find people, and their ideas so interesting.  Most of the blogs I follow are written by clever young twenty/thirty-something year olds, just beginning their journey through life.  I thought it might be interesting and somewhat entertaining to blog the life of someone heading into her middle aged years... and trying to do it gracefully.

This is not an easy thing to do.  I didn't wake up one day and feel older, or ready for middle age at all.  When I pass a mirror, I am always a little surprised at who I see in the reflection.  I expect it will still be that fresh faced girl, far from perfect, but at least perfectly young.  Wrinkles crept up on me. The hair on my head is graying and thinning, while obnoxious thick hair grows in places I had never imagined.  Gravity is no friend to any of my parts.  And while I still consider myself mainly a stay at home mom, I do have a very part time job in the beauty industry as an esthetician.  I'm sure being in this industry makes me more critical of myself, and of my appearance. The physical part of aging sometimes leaves me feeling defeated.

That being said, I know now at 41, that I am wiser.   I know that I understand, and appreciate things more completely.  I know how to love, and how to be loved in return.  I know that I am so close to accomplishing what is, in my mind, the best thing anyone can accomplish.  I am raising two of the most amazing kids, who have already shown signs that they will be productive and compassionate human beings.  I have a daughter who is a senior in high school, and a son who is a sophomore.  I am not done parenting them yet, but I am so proud of the people they are today.  My next challenge will be learning to let them fly on their own.  I can't believe that day is almost here.  This is going to be so hard for me.  But I can do it.  And I will keep trying to do it gracefully...